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Book Review: The Excyles by Mia Adams

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The Excyles by Mia Adams

The book's cover promised a story full of alien love but did not fulfill any of its promises. The hype is this: "Mia Adams is loved by extraterrestrials and romanced by a U.S. government agent." Halfway through the book, the reader finally learns that Mia's alien lover is named Zarg and she contacts him through a Ouija board! We have not played with a Ouija board since college days. Give us a break, Mia!

Mia's story begins with her running a classified ad in a local metaphysical newspaper soliciting people claiming contact with E.T.'s. Mia wastes several years of her life communicating with Corey, a prison inmate who guess what -- sends her top secret UFO files about military collusion with the Aliens!

Whoa, wait a minute there. Now how did a prisoner get his hands on top secret UFO files from a jail cell to mail to her? Duh. Later Corey wants to mail her the TV from his prison cell as a personal gift. Come again? A TV from prison? We don't think so.

Then get this. Mia doesn't work while married or after she gets divorced. Yet she has this unlimited travel budget to visit every country on Earth whenever she feels like it. Sort of like the TV show I Dream of Jeannie from the sixties!

Mia seeks meaning in every silly thing in her life ad nauseum and believes everything has a Jungian coincidence. She turns every coincidence into a fact of science. She forgot that "coincidence" doesn't mean "correlation."

Here are two examples: Mia takes a quick jaunt to Alaska and visits a gift shop. She notices that a tag on a statue in the store has the same last name as her own -- uh oh, spooky. Then she is doubly overwhelmed to discover the store is located on a street which happens to be the same as her last name. Spooky. Spooky. Go for it Mia!

Then, at a UFO meeting in England, Mia is astonished to learn she is sitting next to the author of a book that her boyfriend had previously read. Small world, eh? She is so overwhelmed by this coincidence that she stands up in front of the audience and tells them about this amazing coincidence. How embarrassing!

Mia tries hard to prove to us she is an abductee. Get ready for her "proof." She recalls walking away from a family reunion when she was a child and a kind stranger brought her back. But Mia says she was abducted because her parents didn't notice she was gone. Like every parent knows where their kids are every moment? Earth to Mia. Come in Mia.

Mia's other proof that she was abducted happened when she was a college student. She and a girlfriend went out with some young men. When one of the men stole the tires off a nearby vehicle, Mia was so panicked by his behavior that she felt this had to be an abduction experience because she was so terrified. Abducted? No, try fear of being arrested!

 

This book wins AAER's Little Green Man Award for being so detrimental to the study of alien abduction, that only Disinfo Agents from AFOSI could love this book which makes abductees sound like wackos.

Finally, halfway through the story, the reader gets to Mia's Alice-in-Wonderland romance with an FBI government agent named Jordan. Throughout their goofy relationship, Mia discovers that Jordan lied about everything. No kidding.

Mia eventually realizes Jordan is a married man with a wife and three children. Mia also believed Jordan when he said he was her same age. Later she learned he was twenty years younger. Mia couldn't tell the man was twenty years younger by looking at him. Gullible, isn't she?

Here's another unbelievable whopper: Jordan brings UFO files from work marked top secret. Jordan tells her he finds them on his desk every morning. Holy Batman, how does he do that? But of course Mia believes Jordan because he says it is true. The reports tell how big and powerful the U.S. government is and they are working hand-in-hand alongside the aliens. The Dynamic Duo, we presume.

Then, after it looks like Jordan couldn't find anything else to lie about, he surprises us! He tells Mia that he is her extraterrestrial son. Then Mia is tormented with Biblical sin. Is she guilty of incest? She begins thinking of Jordan's children as her grandchildren.

Then Mia, scientific person that she is--NOT, decides to seek the truth. How you might ask? Of course. She asks the Ouija board if it is true, and Zarg said it is. Well, Zarg should know. At the end of her tainted relationship with Jordan, he mails her his top secret report confirming all the other reports he brought her. Like one big lie proves a bunch of little lies.

Near the end of the book, which thankfully put us out of our misery, Mia had pictures to look at. We like to look at other people's pictures. These were pictures of her photographic evidence.

One picture was taken in Egypt at an alter. After the photo was developed, it had a white spot on it. A white spot on the alter. Hmm. Now what significance could Mia give a white spot on a counter? She called the spot a cosmic enersphere. Since she couldn't explain the spot, she gave it a name.

This book should never have been written or published as a serious book on alien abduction. To order any book other than this one, click on the picture above.

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