I’ll try to keep this short, but it’s a story about 32 years in the making.
Current Status: I’m a female, 42 yrs old, living in the southwestern U.S. with my family. I’m not going to give out my name/location because I have a job in print media in my town and my competitors would have a field day barbecuing me over this one. In a nutshell, I’ve been documenting my life since the age of ten in journal form, and it’s those writings that I’ve been going over recently in light of some odd things that have happened to me.
Strange things have been happening off and on most of my life. I have no explanation for them, and rather than write a novel-length post, I’ll just list them as follows:
1. From between the age of three to six, I was visited regularly by what my mother calls an “invisible friend” that I perceived as a shapeless white form that floated through my room, usually emerging from the wall or closet. It had a foreign-sounding name, but I will keep that to myself for now.
2. I began having problems with insomnia beginning at the age of about 9 and it got progressively worse until I graduated from high school. At its peak, when I was 13 to 15 years old, I barely slept more than 4 hours a day. When I did sleep, I had horrible, extremely vivid dreams. Many of the dreams were nonsense like flying and stuff, but in 1979 I began to have a series of dreams that so disturbed me that I wrote about them in my journals. These included:
—–(Age 14) A dream where my family and I walked out of a building (I was lagging behind) after a movie. I found them outside standing on the front lawn of the place, they were looking up at the night sky. I followed their gaze upward and saw to my horror that the moon looked very, very close to us. It was a deep bluish gray in color and the craters looked funny. When I looked at it, I was so terrified that I woke up screaming, “Something’s wrong with the moon!”
—-In another dream later that same year, I dreamed that I got out of bed and the house was completely dark. I went into the living room and saw my mom, dad and my 2 brothers sitting on the couch, side by side, holding perfectly still and their faces were blank. The only light in the room was the greenish glow from the stereo, which was blaring out faint voices and bursts of static. I walked past them to go to the front door, but when I got there, I couldn’t bring myself to open it. Instead, I lifted the curtain in front of the window and there was this shapeless white face there, staring in at me. I screamed and woke up.
—-When I was 15, I began experiencing what felt like paralysis, where I’d be sitting in a chair or laying down while reading a book and suddenly I couldn’t move. Then I’d sense these shadowy figures standing around me. This happened several times, according to my journals, but I recall only one striking incident from that time period. I was laying in bed, reading, and it was around 5:00 AM. I must have fallen asleep not long after I looked at the clock because next thing I know, the sky was lighter outside as dawn was approaching. I looked around and saw that I was hovering about three feet above my bed and there were several figures lined up around & beneath me. They “floated” me out of my room almost like I was inside an invisible coffin and these figures were the pallbearers. They were tall, thin, and had pale, shapeless blobs for faces. They took me outside and the dream was so realistic at this point that I actually felt the cold morning air as I left the house and noted the color of the sky above me as being a pretty pink-orange mix. The figures floated me over to some kind of huge object that looked like a dark-colored, floating RV (recreational vehicle). LOL, that’s the only thing I can compare it to. The rest of that dream is hazy, but at some point in the dream I asked the figures who they were and one of them said the word “Speam” inside my head. Not “Spam,” not “Sperm,” but “Speam.” So, this is what I called them whenever I referred to that dream in my writings: “Speams.”
—-For the rest of that year, I kept leaving the house in the middle of the night for no reason other than I needed to be outside. One night, I rode my bike three miles away from home at 2:30 AM and was traveling down this lonely back road that was utterly dark, with no streetlights whatsoever. That’s when it occurred to me that something was odd about the moon – it was big, bright and close, like it was full, but it looked funny because it didn’t cast any moonlight on the surrounding landscape of fields and rolling hills. Next thing I know, I’m turned around and riding back home because I was afraid some stray, wandering dogs were going to chase me down and bite me. I got home, put my bike away and went in. My mother was waiting there for me, extremely pissed off because I’d been gone for almost 2 hours. She demanded to know where I’d been for “half the night” and I had no answer for her, except that I went riding because I couldn’t sleep. I told her I was only gone for maybe 20 to 25 minutes. She pointed at the clock and I saw that it was well past 4:00AM. I cannot account for why or how I was gone for that long. It seemed like I was gone for just a little while.
— Just before my 16th birthday, I dreamed that I was walking around in my back yard in the middle of the night (it was a large back yard with lots of fruit trees) and there were these strange “thin men” with blurred faces standing there. They were wearing these odd black garments that resembled shiny leather or possibly neoprene. I was afraid of them and began to run. They caught me and one of them stabbed me in the stomach with a long needle. This was in 1982 and at the age of 15, I’d never even heard of amniocentesis.
3. There were lots more dreams and sleep paralysis episodes like these during that time, but they ceased altogether for a while after my kids were born (in ‘86 and ‘89). I don’t have room to list them all here. However, in 1992, I began to have the dreams again, only this time it’s being paralyzed with my kids in the room (then ages 5 and 3). There were shadowy figures there who seemed to be focused on me and my son, as they were standing over us. (All three of us slept in the same room at the time, as I could only afford a one-bdrm apt back then). My daughter was left alone for some reason. The “shadows” became regular visitors to us during that time. I thought I dreamed them until one afternoon when my son walked into the bathroom and instantly screamed bloody murder. I ran in there to see if he’d fallen or anything, and he was so frightened that he was huddled up on the floor and crying. He pointed at the bathroom wall and said, ”There’s a black monster in the wall!” After he calmed down a few minutes later, he told me he saw this black blob floating in front of the shower. He screamed and it quickly disappeared into the wall.
There’s much more experience-wise, but this post is too long already. Suffice it to say that I’m afraid to sleep in a dark room, I’ve had a large number of “shadow people” sightings in my life, especially during the period of 1998 to 2003, and the strange dreams of the tall, thin men pursuing me through my house started back up again in 2005. It slacked off again in October of ‘05 when I moved clear across the country. I didn’t have any strange dreams or insomnia until I moved back out west again in ‘08.
The insomnia is back again now in full force, and I’m barely sleeping 4 hours at a time. I keep sensing shadowy figures in my room at night, and when I drop off to sleep, I hear a strange buzzing sound that scares me so much that I wake right back up again. This brings me to the most scary thing of all.
4. I’ve just had my first-ever mammogram last Monday and the doctor contacted me that I have an “anomaly” in the images they took of the right side of my chest. Naturally I’m thinking, okay, they found a cyst or something. So I go in to have a second imaging with the ultrasound and the radiologist is mystified. Four different people asked me if I’d ever had surgery on my breast. I replied that no, I never had. The doctor walks me into the room where my mammogram images are up onscreen and she showed me an area in my right breast where the tissue is gathered into what appears to be a perfectly straight line in the upper part of the breast, near my chest wall. She pointed out an odd concave shape to the tissue there, and asked me again if I’d ever had any surgery or maybe a stab wound. I repeated that no, that I hadn’t. What the image looked like to the doctor was that I’d had a roughly grape-sized piece of tissue removed or damaged somehow on that side and since I’d never had any surgery, she couldn’t figure out what it was. To me, it looks like a chunk of my breast tissue was “scooped out.” There’s no noticeable scar on my chest, though. They’re going to biopsy it next week anyway, just to be sure there’s no cancer, but she’s pretty sure it’s just some kind of scar tissue. I asked my mother if I had any surgeries in that area as a small child and she says that no, I haven’t. I’m left to wonder that if it’s scar tissue from an unknown wound, then how could this have happened? Surely I’d remember a stab wound.
So, that’s my story. Has anyone here ever heard of missing breast tissue like this? I’d also like to know if “Shadow People” sightings are associated in any way with alien abduction? I can’t explain them, either, and I’ve had over 100+ sightings of them, looking straight-on (not out of the corner of my eye). My kids have seen them, and I believe the “Blob monster” my son saw was a shadow-person as well.
If I am possibly an abductee, what do I do now? How can this be stopped? I’ve been reading up on this over the last few weeks and based on some of the stories I’ve read, some feel that this kind of experience is a positive thing, that they’re getting “enlightenment” of some sort in exchange for being a willing test subject. I’m terrified of this, and there’s no way it can be a “good thing.” Am I wrong? Am I just crazy?
Any thoughts are appreciated. (And yes, I’ve sought mental help for all of this and according to my doctors, there’s nothing wrong with me other than a little anxiety and stress).
thanks,
J
