Trying to figure it all out…

Hello! Alien abduction has been my greatest fear for most of my life. I don’t know if it is BECAUSE of movies like Fire in the Sky or if they just awoke in me some kind of memory. Whatever the cause, I thought my fear was ridiculous and I paid little attention to it- especially since I have no conscious memory of contact. Then a few months ago I was introduced to Bashar- an alien hybrid who is chanelled through a man named Darryl Anka and it awakened in me the possibility that these abduction stories might be real. Now I find myself absolutely obsessed with ET phenomena.  The problem is that during the day I feel excited and inspired by it but at night I am terrified. I often awake around 4 am in a panic. My intuition tells me to follow this interest as far as I can but reading the experiences of abductees fills me with such fear that I wonder if I should drop the whole subject before I invite something unwanted into my life. Suggestions? Thank you and much love and support to you all.